I got tired of living other peoples stories, don’t get me wrong, I loved to help and serve others in their lives ventures, but I very much desired my own story. I knew it had to happen at the right time; otherwise the pieces of the puzzle wouldn’t have fit together properly. I waited and waited, I prayed and I prayed, when I felt the green light to go I leaped as far as I could thinking God would catch me and instead of landing on my feet in my Father’s arms, I landed face first in a valley that only ever saw darkness.
It is there that I am learning how to be the light that God has made me. It took me many months before I realized that I had gotten what I asked for, My Story.
I am so afraid, I don’t want to admit it, but I am. I feel so alone at times it scares me, until I realize I have a friend in God that will never ever leave me no matter what happens. Not only do I have a friend in God but also God brought me someone because He knows me and He knew my desire for companionship. I thank God everyday for Kevin, without him I would never have gotten to this part of My Story.
So one piece at a time I will share My Story, some parts I am too afraid to write because that would mean looking inside myself, other parts I must express with much frustration and other parts I cannot wait to share with the world.
I guess I am just a dreamer, I believe that I can do something bigger than myself because God is with me. I have to be okay with failing because I will learn from it, pick myself up and try again. I try to follow the practicalities of life as best as I can, but I know there is more out there, as we all do, and I don’t want to miss out on any of it.
I tossed and turned all night last night, I though to myself, why the heck do I think I can race a bike? I rode the first race course for spring series the last couple days and it is incredibly tough. I thought I have pushed my body to the limits before but this was a whole new world of pain. Sure my times on the course were decent, especially for a novice, but I only did half the distance, how the heck am I suppose to race the whole distance? Not only that but there are all these rules to follow, plus the unspoken edict that comes with road racing. Yes, I am freaking out, but fortunately I have about three weeks to work through these thoughts so I am confident for race day. I keep thinking to myself, am I really going to do this? Part of me thinks it is just a dream, that I won’t really be racing, I mean it all happened so fast. I really have been only cycling for eight months and three of those months have been inside on the rollers. As in life, I need to be okay with other people disliking me during the race, getting frustrated at me for the novice mistakes I may make and I have to be okay with the amount of pain I will endure. Why the heck do I want to do this? That is a great question, but there is this burning passion in my heart that is pressing me on and telling me I can do this. I think I am so afraid because I’ve never wanted anything so bad.
The training continues…
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